The Swimming Lesson
The summer our kids were two, we took our first beach vacation. I wrote "vacation" but fellow mom friends - especially those with young children - you chuckle and shake your heads as you read the word "vacation" because you know that the beach + young children = a TON of work. There is the magic of timing the beach trip between much needed nap times and the multiple bathroom trips/diaper changing. Then, there is actually wrangling the kids into their suits and into their floats, puddle jumpers, or life preserving devices. Next, there is the mountain of sunscreen that needs to be applied to keep the kids from burning, (or mom from burning if you happen to be blessed with pasty white skin like me). Finally, there are hats for babies, sunglasses for the kids, and then the water shoes for all. If you are lucky, you can enjoy 20 - 30 minutes of water time before someone is hungry, gets sand or sunscreen in their eyes, has an injury, or needs to go to the bathroom! Whew! What a lot of preparation goes into one of summer's favorite activities.
As moms we do a LOT to ensure that our children have a positive experience at the beach or pool and want to come back and do it all over again another day. We are very intentional about prepping our children for success in the water. As I was reflecting last week about this huge amount of prep work moms do for swimming, I recognized that there are many other areas where our preparation is just as necessary to our children's success.
When my children were little, we hosted a lot of play dates. We don't have a big home, but my friends were kind enough to come to me since - at the time - I had the most little ones to corral and get out the door. One morning when we were going to be hosting a play date, it hit me that my children were really starting to get to an age that they had "favorite" new toys. And they didn't always share them (at least not without a lot of tears) with their siblings. That particular day we were going to be hosting about 4 other kiddos and, unless I was prepared, the favorite toys would be sure to be a source of contention. I had read something in an article and decided to give it a try. That morning I sat my children down. I explained that we were having a play date with other children at our home, and that they would be expected to share their toys to be good friends to their guests. But, I explained they could each pick one toy to put away where nobody else would play with it during the day. This toy would be safe until after our guests went home. This preparation paid off. The play date was a success. Prepping my children for sharing, while allowing them some control made for a very smooth day. And, they were happy to have their new "favorites" back after everyone had left.
Sometimes preparation in motherhood means planning and having everything we need for success on hand (like the beach.) But other times helping our child be successful in a new situation is an intentional guiding conversation and knowing where to allow our children to have some control (like the play date.) For most of us, it's easier to remember how to help our children prepare physically for new scenarios rather than how to equip them for new situations emotionally. However, taking the time to prepare our kids for success when they observe cruelty in others, are learning to be a good winners/losers at an activity, experience hurt feelings, need to understand healthy boundaries with technology, and maneuver friendships and relationships, is also so important. This preparation often takes an intentional, guiding conversation with our children BEFORE (if possible) the actual event, and then the willingness to help them figure out how they can take some control.
Whether or not you are still in floats at the beach, or if you are in the season of life where your kids can put on their own suits, pack their own swimming bag, and put on their own sunscreen, - preparation is an important and necessary mothering skill.
What new experience is your child facing this season? In what way can you intentionally prepare and prep them for success?